A Guide To The Brand New Australian Alt-Right Pokemon Starter Deck – Junkee

From Garrydose to Lathamite.

Racist posters have been appearing across Sydneys inner-west this week depictingAsians, the Apex gang and high-profileMuslim Australians like Yassmin Abdel-Magied and Waleed Aly as Pokemon. Designed to look like Pokemon cards, the posters read Gotta catch & deport em all. One poster of Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young reads gotta catch &hang em all.

The posters are tied to a group calledAussie Nationalists (though they deny distributingthem) and NSW Police are currently looking into the matter. A representative of the group has said they may be making more and intend to raise awareness as to what is happening to Australia through mass immigration and the Chinese buy-out and the anti-Australians we have in parliament and on our TV networks.

In short: its fucked. Its full-blown racism and abusein the streets, and a depressing yet accurate reflection of a huge part of Australian culture right now. Both Abdel-Magied and Hanson-Young have publicly condemned the posters.Junkee writer Patrick Marlborough, on the other hand, figured if anyone was going to be reduced towild caricatures it shouldprobably besome of the peoplespreading the hate.

Lets reclaim Pokemon with the Alt-Right Starter Deck:

HP: 420

This ubiquitous Pokemon may become Alt-Right if exposed to an MRA stone.

Pub Test (10): If Garrydose decides his opponents attacks arent Up To Snuff, he may activate Passive Aggressive Silence.

Average Punter (passive): Garrydose is immune to Persuasion and cannot be harmed by moves such as 4 Corner Expose.

Coward Punch (30-45): Garrydose may punch an opponent when it is not his turn. If Garrydose is holding a schooner add +15 damage.

Cronulrite:If Garrydose is exposed to a Cronulrite he will hold a commemorative BBQ on the 10th anniversary that will be attended by four other Garrydose.

HP: 129 marked down to 120, the price of a slightly discounted Lu Lu Lemon hoodie

Often paired with Garrydose, Minioninas passive ability Banality allows her to offer bonuses, as well as quietly condone their behaviour.

Think Again Sweetie (5): Minionina deflects an attack and reminds her opponent that social media influencer is essentially a medical degree.

Minion Gif:If Minionina is holding a Minion Gif she gains +5 Sp. Def. for every react received on her anti-vax page.

HP: 1996

This legendary flame-haired rodent Pokemon is known for baffling trainers with its paranoiac syntax and unsinkable legacy of hate.

Dancing With The Stars: Hansonite summons a Paul Mercurio mirage, add Mecurios scoring of Hansonite to its special defence.

Maiden Speech (10): Hansonite stuns opponents for two terms.

Resurgence: If KOd Hansonite will return after four turns with double HP and media coverage.

HP: 69

This once great Pokemon is often mistaken for a pile of trash. It is constantly thirsty, and gains +20 Sp Atk insecurity points when fighting Pokemon of a different gender.

Toxic Vlog (20-50): Lathamite spews bile on his opponent, and may do so multiple times if his holding a Live Stream.

Cab Grab (25): Lathamite falls asleep for two turns. Once woken, Lathamite accuses his opponent of giving them the screw around, tackling them and possibly causing a status condition, such as Broken Arm.

Man Cave In: Lathamite bloviates and gains a sharp increase to Sp Def, but suffers a greatly reduced platform.

HP: 14

This basement dweller gains +5 attack for every RT, but is weak against Social Interaction and Facts.

DM Slide (15): Kekabra may slip into the DMs of opponents to call them slurs, causing 5 damage (15 max) for every reaction gif.

Extremely Online (passive): If Kekabra is battling Online it gains +5 to its Sp Atk for every questionable newsource it RTs. Kekabra also suffers a steep decrease in Sp Def however as Extremely Online leaves it vulnerable to Criticism.

Blocked: Kekabra is able to block an opponent that calls it out. This move can be countered by Email Employer, which will reduce Kekabras HP to 0.

HP: 88

The final evolution of Kekabra, Pepekazam harnesses a powerful combination of Post-Irony, Rebranded Nazism, and Untreated Personality Disorders to dazzle its opponents.

Meme War (20): Pepekazam RTs a barrage of poorly executed memes. May cause opponents to become Confused or Disinterested.

Triggered (120): If Pepekazam causes their opponent to flinch they may go in for an all-out attack. However, if Pepekazam misses the recoil damage may cause him to Meltdown.

Meltdown: Pepekazam becomes confused and starts linking perceived personal slights against him as Conspiracies. Pepekazam deals 30 damage to opponents, himself, and may accidentally say something anti-Semitic on his Twitch livestream.

Proud Boy (passive): Pepekazams warped view of history and their own self-importance makes them immune to Fear and Common Sense.

HP: 510 minus declining readership

This self-reviving fossil Pokemon is able to banish any Pokemon a darker shade of Clefairy. Its ability to Summon Witch Hunts and Offer Platforms makes it the perfect support tank for an Alt-RightDeck.

Spiked Column (35): If there is an Albwreckt or Bolton in your hand, this attack gains +10 Hysteria Damage and may cause Public Outrage.

Hot Take (10): Newskore may refashion a Guardianite or Pedestrions Content ability to cause Critical Damage to an opponents National Discourse.

Photoslop: Newskore photoshops opposing Pokemon into an SS Uniform, may cause Confusion and Eye Rolls.

Syndicated: Passive ability that poisons any opponents battling on a Media Landscape.

HP: 5.1 percent swing

This Magost Berry-headed Pokemon is mysteriously found in Cabinets. His Thinly Veiled Hate make him a tenacious opponent, if one unelectable as leader.

Mandatory Detention (20): Duttonyx may hold already damaged opponents in Mandatory Detention, causing 20 damage for an indefinite amount of turns.

Tow Back: Duttonyx may counter Drownings At Sea by towing his opponent out beyond his jurisdiction. The opponent can no longer affect Duttonyxs stats.

Citizenship Test:Any Pokemon that fails Duttonyxs Citizinship Test must return to its trainers hand, and stay there.

HP: 2013 2015

This budgie-smuggling Pokemon robo-apostate gains approval points while in opposition, but loses them when Held Accountable.

White Ant (5): Ab-Bot leaks confidential information about his opponents weaknesses, causing 5 damage for each turn Ab-Bot is still (inexplicably) allowed on the field. May harm allies.

Onion Chomp (100): Ab-Bot bites an onion causing his opponent to flinch, deals 100 recoil to Ab-Bots Sp. Def. Opinion Polls.

Knighted (75): Ab-bot knights his opponent, every active card and player becomes Confused.

Rhodes Scholar (passive): If Ab-Bots Approval Ratings reach 51 percent the opposing player is forced to acknowledge that Ab-Bot he is a Rhodes Scholar, adding +15 to his Atk.

Mad Monk (passive): If Ab-Bots Approval Ratings dip below 49 percent whoever played him must acknowledge that he is a Mad Monk and deal 50 wrecker damage to any Malcomites in his hand.

Pell Defense: Abbott may boost the Def. and diplomatic immunity of any Cardinal in the players deck.

Patrick Marlborough is a writer and comedian based out of Fremantle. He tweets at@Cormac_McCafe.

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A Guide To The Brand New Australian Alt-Right Pokemon Starter Deck - Junkee

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