It may turn out the Weekly World News was right all along.
You remember that black and white tabloid, don't you? You'd see it in grocery store checkout lines, easily outgunning other reputable news sources like the National Enquirer and The Globe with its outlandish headlines: "Civil War Babies Found Alive at Gettysburg"; "I Married Bigfoot"; "12 U.S. Senators are Space Aliens!"
And now we have this, not from the now-online-only Weekly World News, but from the president of the United States: "How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!"
That's the "Baby Born with Tattoo of Solar System!" of presidential statements. It was, like your average Weekly World News headline, offered with no evidence.
The basis for Trump's weekend accusation that then-President Barack Obama tapped his phones seems to be an article on the website Breitbart, a conservative and slightly more substantive version of a grocery store tabloid. That article cited conservative radio host Mark Levin who strikes me as someone who would read the Weekly World News and say, "You know, they may be onto something" as its primary source.
As the Weekly World News might say: "Muslim Former President Wiretapped Trump From Secret Alien Madrasa!"
The bucket of bonkers that Trump cracked open over the weekend which, according to the New York Times and Washington Post, led FBI Director James Comey to take the remarkable step of asking the Justice Department to issue a statement refuting a sitting president's comments did have one happy outcome. It led to this paragraph in a story on the ABC News website, the most staggeringly crazy and entirely accurate paragraph ever written:
"Because the sitting president offered no evidence to back up his claim, it wasn't clear whether the tweet which was followed by four others taking on his predecessor, including one misspelling the word 'tap' was based on classified knowledge he received in his capacity as president, or on an article posted yesterday to the conservative Breitbart website."
Let that one roll around in your head a few times. No evidence. Misspelled "tap." Not clear if it was based on classified information (that the president was sharing on Twitter) or on a crackpot website report.
Yowza. (And I don't use that term lightly.)
We are in uncharted territory. This is "Farmer Shoots 23-Lb. Grasshopper"-level stuff.
Or, as any devoted Trump supporter or Russian Twitter bot would say: Is it?
There have been media reports of warrants from the secret FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) Court being issued to monitor certain contacts between the Trump campaign and Russia. If those reports are correct and James Clapper, former national intelligence director under Obama, flatly denied it Sunday it's possible that phones in Trump Tower or elsewhere were under surveillance.
But if that was the case, there would have been substantial evidence of a threat to national security, as FISA warrants don't come easily.
So just as I'd like to see the person who married Bigfoot, meet the Civil War babies found alive and eyeball the corpse of a 23-pound grasshopper, I'd also like to see the evidence that Obama tapped Trump's phones.
A statement from the White House in the wake of Trump's Weekly World News-style tweet storm called for a congressional investigation.
I completely agree. Let a congressional intelligence committee see the evidence to support the president's claims. Let the public see all the facts and, if there was surveillance, let's see why. Shine a light on those FISA warrants, if they exist.
If Obama did something wrong or illegal, as Trump claims, we have a right to know and he should be held accountable.
And while we're at it, let's see the evidence that Obama's birth certificate was fake a claim Trump made repeatedly without ever retracting and that 3 million to 5 million people voted illegally in the November election, as Trump has also claimed.
Let's see the evidence that Sen. Ted Cruz's father was with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before Oswald assassinated President John F. Kennedy. Trump cited that information during the campaign, referring to reporting in another supermarket tabloid, the National Enquirer.
Let's see Trump's tax returns, which would clear up many of the suspicions regarding the president's connections to Russia. (Those suspicious have been reported on in dodgy newspapers like the New York Times, but not in any of the more reputable grocery store tabloids.)
And let's finally, after many years, get Congress to look into two bombshell Weekly World News reports regarding Hillary Clinton: "Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby" and "Bill Catches Hillary with Space Alien!"
Where is this alien baby now? It could be threatening our national security as we speak.
And does Clinton still have her "NY love nest" where she spent "romantic nights" with the alien Bill caught her embracing? She served as secretary of state and could have become president. It's in the nation's interest to know if these intergalactic dalliances have compromised American interests.
If so, that would be bad (or sick). Congress must investigate.
Because at the moment, there's as much evidence of a Clinton/alien connection as there is of Obama-ordered wire taps.
Or, as President Trump prefers, "tapps."
Listen to Rex Huppke and WGN radio host Amy Guth discuss presidential politics each week on the "Guth and Huppke on Politics" podcast atchicagotribune.com/guthhuppkepodcast.
rhuppke@chicagotribune.com
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Investigate Trump's wiretapping claim AND HILLARY CLINTON'S ALIEN BABY! - Chicago Tribune