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Did anyone notice the whole thing was a ruse? A long con designed to use the right-wing noise machine to promote candy. Were talking of course about M&Ms, and how they generated millions of dollars in free publicity simply by manipulating outrage-prone Americans who are stupid enough to listen to anything that comes out of the mouths of Tucker Carlson and the rest of his Fox News nincompoops.

It started early last year when M&Ms tweaked their candy mascots in order to make them more inclusive and unifying. Carlson was the rube who saw a lefty plot where there was none, and soon took to ranting on-air about the sexiness or lack thereof, of non-human, animated bits of chocolate. M&Ms, seeing theyd grabbed our attention, upped the ante by introducing a new, somehow polarizing purple M&M and soon Tucker, Fox and every other aggrieved moron snowflake was off to the races to see who could accuse M&Ms of being more woke.

Which was when M&Ms announced that, heaven forbid, they had no idea the ruckus theyd be causing, so they would terminate the candy mascots entirely and replace them with a human spokesperson. Except that, during the M&Ms Super Bowl television ad it became clear that the spokesperson was a bait and switch. The mascots were back, and the whole thing was a scam to generate buzz for the company at the expense of the American freedumb lemmings who will now fall for anything their bubble-wrapped media overlords tell them is woke.

Like your Xbox. Recently, Microsoft introduced a software patch to help conserve energy when the console isnt being used. But Fox and the rest of the conservative media morons determined that in reality, Microsoft was pushing woke climate ideology on children. Forget for a moment that most Xbox players are adults, but if Microsoft hadnt announced this update, no one wouldve known about it, because its a stupid software patch. But following Foxs lead, various senators and congressmen breathlessly determined that they are coming to take your game consoles.

Poll after poll finds that voters prioritize inflation and the economy over the culture wars.

And remember how for 15 minutes earlier this year the woke mob was coming to take your gas stove? A study was released pointing out that gas fumes are dangerous (no kidding) and that stoves should be more efficient (well, duh), so of course, according to the usual collection of idiot congresscritters and media outrage peddlers, they are coming to take your stove.

See the pattern? They want to take away your all-American stoves and Xboxes. M&Ms and now Legos are woke. Welcome to the newest chapters of the completely made-up culture wars, all contrived hoaxes created for the express purpose of cranking the outrage meters of the gullible up to 11.

Stupid culture wars over stupid things such candy and toys, making it easier for Americans to swallow the bigger, more dangerous lies. Like election denial, and the double-speak that says finding no evidence of election fraud is obviously proof that there was fraud. Completely made-up plots to kill off conservatives with vaccines. Scaring people with phony garbage about pedophiles and drag queens. Denigrating actual history as woke when it challenges authority. Books not approved by the thought police are woke and should be eliminated. Racist, homophobic or violent rants are free speech, but condemning those rants is woke. Clean energy, electric cars, and a fairer, more equitable economy and society all woke, and therefore evil.

Woke: resentment manufactured by the awful Red Hats and amplified by Fox News.

Fox, now fully exposed as a hypocritical repository of false information developed in cahoots with the banana Republican leadership, where hosts and guests know what they say on-air isnt true, but lie to you anyway because its good business. Yet travel around educated, sophisticated Greenwich and Fox still blares out from TVs behind bars, in delis and restaurants and who knows how many private homes. What does that say about us? Now that we know theyre all frauds; now that we know both national and local Red Hat freedom fascists are deliberately and maliciously using their playbook of lies and deception to tear our town and country apart, you really have to ask: what kind of people would knowingly go along with this?

David Rafferty is a Greenwich resident.

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David Rafferty (opinion): Stupid culture wars over stupid things - Greenwich Time