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I cannot believe that this is happening to me again, and that the implications are even greater than they may have been in this first trial that I went through, she said, from her East Coast home, in a location she prefers not to share. And after what I went through and after what my family had to go through, and considering the clear, long-lasting harm that this had on me. I just can't believe that anybody would question whether or not this is a true threat.

Countermans public defenders contend his conviction was a violation of his free speech and appealed his case all the way up to the U.S. Supreme Court. They argue that Counterman was mentally ill and never intended to hurt Whalen and that he didnt understand the messages to be truly threatening because of that mental illness. They also argue that the notion that people could be imprisoned for things they say online opens up a larger free speech debate that touches on First Amendment protections.

I think it really highlights the kind of errors that can happen here, said John Elwood, a Washington, D.C.-based attorney who will argue the case on behalf of Counterman this week. The words coming out of someones mouth, he really did not understand them to be a threat. Here, there is a real reason to believe he didnt understand it in those terms.

For Whalen, her ordeal has now spanned more than a decade and nearly derailed her emerging career and upended her life.

Shes had to leave Colorado, change careers and push herself through fears she never thought were possible, like panicking about playing in front of people she cant see. She stopped doing live performances and waited to restart until she felt stronger.

I realized that trauma doesnt just heal because somebody goes to jail, she said. The damage had been done. What I anticipated was that I would be the person that I was before the trial and when the trial ended. And what I found was that I was not.

The months between when Counterman was arrested and when he was convicted and sentenced were among the most harrowing for Whalen, who knew that he could have been angry that she reported him to police.

He was out on the streets with me, she said.

At the suggestion of police detectives, Whalen took a concealed-carry class and began carrying around a gun something she had never done before. She varied her routes so she would be harder to follow.

And, increasingly, she found it extremely difficult to do what she loved best: sing and perform.

She began feeling terrified when performing in dark rooms where she couldnt see everyone.

At one particular performance in Dallas, her palms got clammy, she started seeing spots and was having trouble breathing. At the time, the now 43-year-old thought she was having a heart attack. She played one more song, sitting down, and then had to leave the stage. She went to a dressing room and cried hard for a very long time. When she finally came out to talk to her bandmates, she told them she didnt know if she could keep singing.

I told them, I don't know if any dream is worth feeling this terrible, she said.

During Countermans trial, she testified about the fear he put her through.

I decided to take the stand and that meant I had to prove that I suffered serious emotional distress, she said. I had to speak out loud in front of this man about all of the nightmares and sleepless nights and the canceled shows and not being able to go anywhere alone.

Once Counterman went to prison, Whalen thought shed be able to bounce right back to the performer she was before it all happened.

I thought that life would be mine again and sadly it wasnt, she said. We got this conviction but I still lost my dream. It was my dream and it wasnt his right to take that from me.

Whalen knew she needed to get out of Colorado and do something different. She accepted a marketing job on the East Coast, where she ended up meeting her husband and having two children.

I had changed so much, she said. Playing music, songwriting, performing, connecting with people in that way, thats who I am. Thats my dream. Thats what Ive always done. The fact that Im not playing much music these days is shocking to the people that have known me the longest. We're not just talking about a job that I lost here.

Whalen said it took years to heal.

I tried to find other ways to fulfill my passion, hoping that music would someday be available to me again, she said.

But she has just started to come back. She wrote a song about the experience called Stronger and she has even started playing live but only to small crowds, usually by invite only.

Then, she got the news that the U.S. Supreme Court was going to take a look at the constitutionality of the states decision to imprison her convicted stalker and whether those messages should have been protected speech.

I am just astounded, Whalen said. I cannot believe that this is happening to me again.

Whalen is torn about how to be present for the case now.

On one hand, she comes from a long line of public servants and she feels the responsibility to explain her side of the story and to convey how truly horrifying the years were when she was on the receiving end of so many unwanted messages.

One detective estimated that Counterman had sent her hundreds of thousands of messages maybe even one million of them. Whalen didnt read them all.

But shes worked so hard to get past the experience and doesnt want a major emotional setback. She decided not to go to arguments in person in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday. And she doesnt even know whether shell listen to them online.

We are here debating a law whose outcome could have serious implications for victims of cyber harassment and cyber stalking all over the United States, and reminding people that there are real humans whose lives are really damaged by this type of threatening speech, she said. Lawyers and justices can pull apart the single messages that he sent me. Was this one threatening? Was that one threatening? But the bigger picture, the lived experience is much more than that.

Original post:
One Colorado stalking victim never wanted to become the center of a First Amendment case at the US Supreme Court - Colorado Public Radio