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Black America figured that O.J. Simpson would be in prison forever. To hear white people tell it, O.J. is responsible for: ex-wife Nicole Simpsons and Ron Goldmans deaths; the current Black Lives Matter movement; Colin Kaepernicks protest and hair; Jay-Z and Beyoncs martial issues; and Drakes supposed baby with a former video vixen. (Side note: How does a video vixen retire? Does she turn in her performance thong and wedges? Just wondering.)

Somehow, unbeknownst to any black person with a high school diploma or an equivalency degree, O.J. became the symbolic embodiment of black people, as far as white people were concerned. Maybe it was because he wanted so badly to be appreciated by them; maybe it was because during his trial on charges of killing Simpson and Goldman, black America embraced O.J. in a way that even took O.J. aback. Truthfully, what black America was embracing was an opportunity to challenge a racist, oppressive judicial system that continuously feeds on black and brown bodies, and O.J. just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

But on this Thursday, on this day of Our Lord and Savior Stephen Curry, let me let white folks in on a little secret: Black folks dont fuck with O.J. Truthfully, we never really did. In fact, we didnt care if O.J. served 200 years inside the Sunken Place; inside a boot that was placed squarely up his own ass. We dont ride for O.J. no more. Thats so 2000. But that doesnt mean we arent shocked that hes being released.

No one saw O.J. being back on the streets while Trumps America is all Lets build a wall and red #MAGA hats are the new white sheets. We all just figured that O.J. would stay in prison, contract some incurable disease, and slowly die off in the back of our minds the way that Hill Street Blues and Coolio have before him. In fact, we were taking bets on whether Orenthal J. Simpson was going to walk out a free man after serving almost nine years in prison for, get this, taking his own shit back!

I know that the law calls this stealing, but what has always been troubling to me is how someone can steal O.J.s stuff, which the men who were robbed admitted to, and then O.J. finds out that the stuff is not only stolen, but goes to get it back, and the state awards him all of the items, which he reportedly stole, and O.J. still gets 33 years in prison. Thats ultimate white justice. Black folks knew that this was payback for the acquittal on the murder charges. And soon, O.J. will be free, which means he will go back to being O.J., and, sadly, hes black Americas George Zimmerman, but more charming.

In fact, during his parole hearing, which was televised, O.J. reached into his Naked Gun acting trick bag to pull out a few moves that would make young Denzel, before the big teeth memes, jealous. O.J. was affable and funny and remorseful and convincing. He was dinner-party O.J. at his finest because O.J. cant stop O.J.-ing which means I give him three days after his release before hes caught on a TMZ video saying some freakishly dumb shit. I give him a few weeks before hes on the golf course, and a few years before O.J. is back in jail because the one telling sign that O.J. hasnt changed one bit came when he was drilled on whether or not he attended Alcoholics Anonymous classes like instructed during his last parole hearing in 2013.

O.J. waxed on about being a Christian and how he hadnt gone to AA but had found other classes that he thought were better like conflict resolution. Point is: O.J. is still doing whatever the fuck O.J. wants to do, and when left to his own devices, weve seen how that has turned out.

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He's Not Black, He's OJ: Simpson Manages to Get Parole in Trump's America and We're Shocked! - The Root