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PARK RIDGE, ILAt a ribbon-cutting ceremony held Tuesday on the steps of the recently completed 200,000-square-foot facility, Hillary Clinton opened a new presidential library and museum that commemorates the presidency she might have had if elected. Visitors to the Hillary Rodham Clinton Presidential Center can learn all about her tenure as commander in chief as it hypothetically might have unfolded over two terms in office, read a press release issued by the library, which archives thousands of pages of correspondence the former candidate wrote herself on replica Oval Office letterhead, displays pens she could have used to sign landmark legislation, and otherwise chronicles the pivotal moments of her nonexistent presidency. Preserved here for future generations are the texts of the seven State of the Union addresses she would have delivered, as well as filmed interviews in which Clinton reflects on imagined signature achievements such as the 2019 Paid Family and Medical Leave Act and a new U.S.-led climate treaty that future historians would have credited with ending the worlds dependence on fossil fuels. Sources said the museum also contains exhibits on the Supreme Court justices Clinton would have appointed to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Anthony Kennedy, and Stephen Breyer, presuming they had all died during her presidency.

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Hillary Clinton Opens New Presidential Library Charting Course Of Purely Theoretical Tenure As Commander In Chief - The Onion (satire)