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Dear Carolyn: Father is elderly and in poor health. Has been verbally abusive to me my entire life as well as a control freak. After getting into yet another argument on the phone, were not speaking.

Im getting married and seriously not feeling him at my wedding since he will inevitably turn it into his day; he has a perverse need for attention that has disrupted many major milestones and events in my family, including my mothers funeral.

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997 as a weekly feature for The Washington Post, accompanied by the work of relationship cartoonist Nick Galifianakis. She is the author of Tell Me About It (Miramax, 2001), and the host a live online discussion on Fridays at noon.

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Am I being too rigid about this? Hes so negative about everything I do, I cant take it anymore especially on my wedding day. Dilemma

Then dont.

I wont give you any lines about your day or you deserve the wedding of your dreams or etc., because I just ate. Plus, a wedding-based sense of entitlement only distracts from what matters and opens you to regrets down the road.

What matters is what you need to satisfy this goal: Take care of yourself.

One of the most crucial roles a parent plays is of protector yet children of abusers need protection from parents. All these kids, to some degree, are forced to protect themselves.

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Carolyn Hax: Abusive dad at wedding; night-life temptation; charity e-mails