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The Prime Minister laughed when he said this, as if it were some kind of hilarious satirical joke. Such levity seemed insensitive, however, because, as concerned parents could tell him, policy-altering substances are a serious issue. Fashionable among revellers at nightclubs across the Spanish holiday islands, policy-altering substances are considered by experts to pose a grave threat to users health.

I was at Gatecrasher in Ibiza when this geezer sold me this funny red pill, confesses one teenage raver, who asked to remain anonymous. He said, This little babyll shake up your manifesto! I swallowed it, and half an hour later I was in the bogs, throwing up everywhere and completely rowing back on my commitment to build 400,000 affordable homes by 2015.

Mr Miliband, meanwhile, reported some alarming news about the NHS.

Mr Speaker, he declared, there are people all over this country waiting for hours and hours in A&E, and all they see is a complacent, out-of-touch Prime Minister reading out a list of statistics!

What a troubling thought. Personally I havent been to A&E in a while, so I had no idea such a thing went on.

Excuse me, nurse. Whos that man with the big shiny face standing at the front of the waiting room?

Thats the Prime Minister, Mrs Jones.

I see. I thought I recognised him. Whats he doing?

Hes reading out a list of statistics, Mrs Jones.

Reading out a list of statistics. I see. I must say, hes doing it in a very complacent and out-of-touch way. To be frank with you, I didnt come to A&E to see him. I came to see a doctor. Ive broken my hip, you see. Do you think I could see a doctor? Ive been waiting for hours and hours.

Read more here:
PMQs sketch: Policy-altering substances? Just say no