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Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips

Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?

The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"

A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.

The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"

The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, First Sergeant!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Trivial Pursuit.

Oh,the humanities!

Evidence in this lawsuit clearly demonstrates that the legal definition of "person" is badly flawed,

and needs to be corrected by excluding liberal lawyers.

They have no function.

You can explore liberal leftist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean liberal lib dad jokes. There are also liberal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

lack toast and tolerant

The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.

The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.

Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."

Pay him for the pizza

Move them out of thier parents basement

The science major asks "Why does it work?"

The engineering major asks "How does it work?"

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"

The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

"How can we build this?"A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Esquire.

They are always asking for change.

Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

The light bulb doesn't want to change and you should stop forcing it to do what it doesn't want to do.

"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"

The pizza can feed a family.

They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.

Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

Adolf Hitler is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged.

Mass Debating

It has six commandments and four suggestions

None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.

Liberal arts.

Jahbless!

Snowden hacking Hillary's files.

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87+ Liberal Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud