If liberals abandon America – Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier

OK, lets rid the country of liberals! I read a convincing article that said liberalism is a disease. It was made clear liberals are destroying America and they are stupid and dont live in reality.

So, lets deport them. That seems to be a popular directive for undesirables these days. I know Im sealing my own fate as the scarlet L emblazoned across my chest will surely reveal me, but I am willing to accept this exile. If we are, in fact, sick, stupid and diseased, I dont want to be part of what is bringing America down. I love this country that much.

Lets not worry about where the liberals will be sent. They (we) will be confused without government handouts, but theres enough Hollywood money to buy Australia after that continent was determined to be a terrorist way station.

Suffice to say America will be populated entirely by the conservatives who, after all, have always been the true patriots. I mean, unless, of course, you are considering the original conservatives who wanted to reconcile with King George. But I digress.

What will America look like? Whos left?

Not too many actors, except for Chuck Norris, Jon Voight and that Baldwin brother no one knows. Not too many dancers will be left, or musicians, for that matter. Trace Adkins, I suppose, but, even Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and the Dixie Chicks will be headlining in the Outback.

And of course Ted Nugent stays (Please!).

Comedy is looking a little thin, too. Outside of Dennis Miller, theres give me a moment.

About half of the literary community might remain, and most of the elected politicians. At least well get rid of Saturday Night Live! No more Trump satires! Now Donald Trump can be the sole satirist of Donald Trump.

Surely mainstream media will be exiled. I dont think theyll want to leave, but with no one left to watch them, theyll have little choice.

It will be glorious for America! No more work weeks limited to 40 hours and no profit-inhibiting labor laws to slow America down. No more CDC, FDA, FAA, EPA and all those tax consuming protection agencies. Rivers and streams can become natures cheap disposal system once again.

No more tree-hugging, climate-whining, science-insisting liberals to impede the oil-consuming, public education-draining and war-mongering conservatism that will make America great!

Well, Ive got to pack. Australia is a two-day journey, and I want catch the show Tuesday night at Ayers Rock. In fact, its called Rock Ayers and will feature Bruce Springsteen, Dave Matthews, Stevie Wonder, Pearl Jam, Beyonce, Jay Z, James Taylor, John Legend, Green Day, Neil Young and Snoop Dog, with surprise appearances by Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and the Dixie Chicks.

Jon Stewart will be the host, so there should be a few laughs.

(End of satire and beginning of pitch for us all to look past the biases that narrow our perspective. No one wins.)

Gary Kroeger is an advertising executive in Cedar Falls and a former Iowa legislative candidate.

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If liberals abandon America - Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier

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