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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Commenting on Donald Trumps first hundred days in office, Vice-President Mike Pence told Fox News on Sunday, To tell you the truth, I really thought Id be President by now.

When I agreed to run on the ticket with him, I said to myself, Mike, after hes been in the White House for a few weeks, hell be a total train wreck and youll be able to slide into the big-boy chair, Pence said. I never in a million years thought hed last a hundred days. My best guess was thirty.

The former Indiana governor said that, with such seemingly fatal missteps as Trumps failed health-care plan and travel bans, as well as any number of unhinged outbursts, It feels like Ive come close to getting in there maybe ten or twelve times. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Calling the past hundred days the longest hundred days of my life, Pence said that he has no choice now but to sit and wait for my moment.

Im a man of faith, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for me, he said. But if another hundred days come and go and Im still not President, you are going to see one pissed-off Mike Pence.

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Pence Really Thought He'd Be President by Now - The New Yorker (satire)