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Presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Bidens decision to choose Sen. Kamala Harris as his running mate leaves President Donald Scared Trump with little choicehe needs to dump Vice President Mike Pence.

I know, its a shame for both Trump and Pence. The two seemed like a match made in a strange and wildly inaccurate version of heaven.

But Trump will see the fanfare the Harris pick bringsshes an energetic and experienced lawmaker, a former prosecutor and attorney general, and the first woman of color on a major party ticketand then hell look over at Pence and see a man as electrifying as a dollop of mayonnaise.

For a president who spends most of his time watching TV or tweeting about things he saw on TV, the telegenic Harris will be too much to bear.

Sure, the Trump campaign will start out, as it did moments after Bidens announcement of his vice presidential pick Tuesday, with attempts to smear Harris for having embraced the lefts radical manifesto (speaking of which, someone send me the manifesto, I didnt get it) and suggesting she will help Biden surrender control of our nation to the radical mob and open our borders and appease socialist dictators.

But Harris presents a problem for those whose thinking has been impaired by Fox News overexposure. Shes not a radical leftist of any sort. Shes a former prosecutor who, if anything, has a prosecutorial background that bothers the far left. A presidential primary campaign and years of public service mean shes already well-vetted, and her energy and relative youth compared with Biden, and with Trump, for that matter, will give the campaign a spark.

She doesnt suffer fools lightly and wont be easy for Trump to pin down with demeaning nicknames or sexist swipes. Im not saying Harris is perfect, or Biden is an unstoppable force. Not even close.

But Harris is a smart pick, and shell give Biden the thing Trump craves most: attention.

That will drive President Me-Me-Me nuts, and you can bet your membership to Mar-a-Lago that come the next round of not-so-great poll numbers, hell start seeing Pences personalityone part lightly salted mashed potatoes, one part guy whose faux-piety makes you kind of squirmyas a liability.

And dont think Pence is indispensable. Trump needed him the first time around to reassure/con evangelical voters into overlooking his history of being a womanizer, a foul-mouthed bully and, well, a Democrat. But Trump has fully Trumpnotized evangelicals. Theyve bitten the Trump-branded apple and he could pick the lyrics to a Marilyn Manson song as his running mate without losing voters.

Imagine the possible ways Trump could spice up his campaign by ditching Milquetoast Mike and firing up his addicted-to-being-fired-up base.

The most noted possibility is former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley, but she seems tied up lately in a dispute with The Popcorn Factory, an Illinois-based company that apparently messed up some delivery orders.

Haley tweeted Monday: Ok @PopcornFactory two messed up birthday orders missed delivery dates with no explanation. First time I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Second one tells me not to buy from you again. #DisappointedNephew.

Shes clearly not in a good position to join the Trump campaign right now. Thoughts and prayers. But there are other sensible vice-presidential suggestions to help get the Trump Train chugging:

An angry can of Goya beans. Not long ago, after the head of Goya Foods praised Trump, the president continued his demolition of political ethics by promoting several of the brands cans of beans. People in Trumps campaign are likely to think this will constitute diversity, and if the can of beans can effectively communicate a message of intolerance, it will perfectly augment Trumps reelection message.

The MyPillow guy holding a can of angry Goya beans. Trumps base LOVES Mike Lindell, the CEO and founder of MyPillow, a company that makes pillows that I assume cause liberals neck pain. Pairing Trump with Lindell would energize voters who admire TV salesmen, and the angry Goya beans would just be added value for the campaign.

A yacht emblazoned with Trump banners. This is likely to be Trumps ideal pick. He has repeatedly tweeted images of yachts and other large boats displaying Trump flags and signs with exclamations like: We love our boaters! Theres even a Boaters for Trump hat for sale on the Trump campaign website. So why not leverage this sensible appeal to Americas forgotten men and women -- the yacht owners who for so long have had no voice -- by ditching Pence and replacing him with a sleek Riviera 6000 Sport Yacht. The slogan writes itself: Trump/Yacht 2020: Make America Buoyant Again!

The bottom line is that Democratic excitement over Bidens choice of Harris has to be met with something splashy. And you couldnt make Pence splashy if you threw him off a Riviera 6000 Sport Yacht.

So go for it, Mr. President. Dump Mike and find the running mate of your reality television dreams. I hear Kanyes available.

Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune.

Excerpt from:
Trump should dump Mike Pence, replace him with a yacht - Idaho Mountain Express and Guide